Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones

Posted by: Heather

Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 12/10/2005 23:04

I don't even have words for how f'ed up this one is.

I just got a lovely visit from the NYPD regarding my pretty little phone I bought on amazon this summer.

It's stolen. And posession of it implicates me in a felony (although the very nice group of large men in bullet proof vests assured me they don't think I did anything. As a matter of fact, they seemed surprised by what I looked like when I told them it was me they were looking for.

I however, am out of a phone, and am soon to be low on vodka (trying to get back to that nice relaxing evening at home I was originally planning on.)

If anyone has a phone number for amazon, I'd be quite grateful.
Posted by: robricc

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 12/10/2005 23:10

1-800-201-7575
Posted by: matthew_k

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 12/10/2005 23:29

Damn, who exactly do you have to be to get the NYPD to show up for a stolen phone?

The most I've ever gotten out of the police around here was "if we stop someone in a stolen vehicle and they have all your stuff together so it's obviously yours, then we'll call you".

I assume you bought it from an amazon merchant?

Matthew
Posted by: FireFox31

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 13/10/2005 02:03

Didn't we decide that it's not profitable for police to chase burglars of even multi-thousand dollar value? Whoever pawned this phone must be bigtime. Reselling from a truck heist?
Posted by: Heather

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 13/10/2005 02:10

Quote:
Damn, who exactly do you have to be to get the NYPD to show up for a stolen phone?


It's not the stolen phone alone, it's all manner of other nastiness associated with said stolen phone that's really gdf'n inconvenient on top of the entire fucking shocking mess.

And the NYPD is usually pretty damn good about at least pretending to make an effort. Most of them are really nice about it too. However two of the lot that showed up tonight were royal asshats. One clearly hated the affluent and pale, and the other seemed to have just enough intelligence to fill a shot glass. The other three took about 45 seconds to realize they had someone who didn't have a damn thing to do with what they were after.

Looks like my goal of trying to get out of a lawyer's office by the end of 2005 ain't happening.

Quote:
I assume you bought it from an amazon merchant?



Nope. Amazon themselves. If it was an Amazon merchant, I would have named them. Also compounds the wierdness. I wouldn't exactly be shocked if I got a stolen phone from some place like "Larry's phone-o-rama".
Posted by: g_attrill

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 13/10/2005 07:24

There are two possibilities here:

1) Amazon has unwittingly bought a batch of stolen phones

2) Somebody has reported a phone stolen to claim on insurance and then returned the for a refund, it either being repacked by the retailer or sent back for factory repacking.

Phone insurance fraud is rampant here in the UK, a recent estimate said that the majority of phone robberies were actually just so that people could get the latest phone, and some phone dealers/sales staff were encouraging people to report a fake robbery so they could get the commission on a new phone.

Gareth
Posted by: tman

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 13/10/2005 10:00

I think option 2 is more likely. Plenty of scammers out there unfortunately

I doubt it's official policy but Carphone Warehouse on several occasions has been dodgy They've suggested that I "accidently" break or lose my phone on three occasions now. My brother went in to buy a new phone and they asked him if he wanted to switch over to TalkTalk (calling plan) and he said no. A week later he gets a letter from BT saying how they're sorry to see him leave and whether he has any comments on why he was switching to another provider. Turns out the sales guy just put the application through anyway as most people don't reply to the letter quick enough and get automatically switched over.
Posted by: DWallach

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 13/10/2005 10:24

For what it's worth, I bought my cel phone from Amazon and had no problems at all. When you bought your phone, was it still packaged and sealed as new, or was there any indication that it might have been a returned item? Clearly, Amazon owes you a new phone. If you press them, I'll bet you can get some kind of concessions as well. I'd personally use this as a chance to demand a better phone and/or a nice pile of phone accessories gratis.
Posted by: g_attrill

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 13/10/2005 12:04

Quote:
I think option 2 is more likely. Plenty of scammers out there unfortunately

I agree, it is very unlikely they bought a dodgy batch. However bad things can happen to big companies - a while back there was a flood of counterfeit Duracell batteries in the UK. One large independent electronics shop was selling them on racks at the counter, they were good copies but obviously fake if you know what to look for.

Gareth
Posted by: Dignan

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 13/10/2005 13:41

Quote:
2) Somebody has reported a phone stolen to claim on insurance and then returned the for a refund, it either being repacked by the retailer or sent back for factory repacking.

But given her description, that doesn't sound like the case. That sounds like small time, not "all manner of other nastiness associated with said stolen phone." Unless it's a really large scale scam going on.
Posted by: Heather

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 13/10/2005 14:24

Phone insurance fraud is rampant here in the UK, a recent estimate said that the majority of phone robberies were actually just so that people could get the latest phone,

Well, at the time I bought this, the black razr was one of the newest most sought after phones. Doesn't quite seem right.

For what it's worth, I bought my cel phone from Amazon and had no problems at all. When you bought your phone, was it still packaged and sealed as new, or was there any indication that it might have been a returned item?

This was at least the third one I've bought from them. Everything was still plastic wrapped with no indication of anything having been used.

Amazon owes you a new phone. If you press them, I'll bet you can get some kind of concessions as well. I'd personally use this as a chance to demand a better phone and/or a nice pile of phone accessories gratis.

Um, you get me implicated in a few felonies, I think you owe me a bit more than a replacement phone and a free headset. Unfortunately, I can't call them and start screaming yet, as I don't want to do anything to derail the cops, nor have I spoken to my lawyers yet, since it's Yom Kippur, and I'm not about to call either of them unless it's a truly life or death situation, which this is not. I'm just really, really, unamused right now.

But given her description, that doesn't sound like the case. That sounds like small time, not "all manner of other nastiness associated with said stolen phone."

Yeah. 5 of them showed up, this is no small time crime. They only sent 2 for death threats.
Posted by: DWallach

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 13/10/2005 20:02

Quote:
Unfortunately, I can't call them and start screaming yet, as I don't want to do anything to derail the cops

Do you have a case number or anything along those lines? You could always ask the cops whether they have any objection to you yelling at Amazon.

Pretty much no matter how you spin it, there's no way that you, personally, are at any risk of being charged with any crimes. You bought a phone from Amazon that turned out to be bogus. Amazon has your money. The police have your phone. Amazon owes you a phone. Simple as that.

Quote:
Um, you get me implicated in a few felonies, I think you owe me a bit more than a replacement phone and a free headset.

Well, unless they hauled you away, fingerprinted you, and locked you up, then you're going to have trouble getting anything else out of Amazon beyond assorted gimmes.
Posted by: DWallach

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 13/10/2005 20:13

Actually, I just came up with a different theory for what might have happened. Have you seen Brasil? A typo changed the name of a known scoundrel to an innocent fellow who promptly gets lost in a Kafka-esque bureaucratic hell trying to right things that went horribly wrong.

Given that they showed up, looking for you with what appeared to be the sort of firepower normally reserved for drug kingpins and such, I'll wager that some kind of typo led the cops to believe that the holder of your phone number was an evil-doer terrorist of some sort. Of course, evil-doers are likely to be using stolen phones, in much the same sort of way that Al Capone also happened to do mail fraud. They're just evil like that.

As such, I'll wager that Amazon.com did nothing wrong, and that the error resides entirely with your local police force and/or your cel phone service provider. Amazon may then rightly insist that they've done nothing wrong, leading you inexoriably into the aforementioned Kafka-esque bureaucratic hell that stands between you and the recovery of what is rightfully your cel phone, sitting in some lame evidence bag, buried in a police evidence room.
Posted by: tfabris

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 13/10/2005 20:17

Remember, we're all in this together.
Posted by: tfabris

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 13/10/2005 20:23

Hm, maybe I got the quote wrong. Anyway, if anyone out there has NOT seen Brazil, make sure that the DVD you get is the Criterion collection one. The others are the US cut-down release. The film is much better with Terry's original edit, makes much more sense and flows properly.

Sorry to hijack the thread. Back to topic:

God, so very sorry about the police thing. That utterly sucks, buying something from a reputable company and then being told it was stolen. But since you ordered from a national online merchant like Amazon, how can they possibly hassle you about it?

Maybe I'll drive over to the Amazon fortress here in Seattle and give them a piece of my mind for ya.
Posted by: Folsom

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 13/10/2005 21:11

Quote:
Remember, we're all in this together.


Keep your stick on the ice!
Posted by: DLF

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 14/10/2005 01:29

The Red Green Show (on PBS here in the U.S.) is what I thought of first, as well! But I believe Tony's clear intent was to be quoting Terry Gilliam's movie, Brazil. And on what other BBS would one find (perhaps a majority) of participants familiar with both?
Posted by: jimhogan

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 14/10/2005 02:20

Quote:
Maybe I'll drive over to the Amazon fortress here in Seattle and give them a piece of my mind for ya.

Well, dang, Tony did it. Moved to Seattle! So, is Tony working?

Anyhow, be careful around the Amazon HQ. Former Public Health Service Hospital, as everybody knows. What few know, though, is the previous history guarding the northern approaches of Boeing Field during B17-B39 production. Can hardly tell there were AA gun emplacements on the 3rd-4th (or 4th-5th?) floor, but they keep finding 20mm and other old ordinance around...with some not-so-happy results. So, just watch your step is all I'd say.
Posted by: tfabris

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 14/10/2005 04:40

Quote:
So, is Tony working?

Not yet. Got any leads?

Sorry to hijack your thread again, Heather.
Posted by: StigOE

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 14/10/2005 09:41

So why move to Seattle in the first place when you didn't have a job waiting...? Except that you like rain, of course...

Stig
Posted by: tfabris

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 14/10/2005 13:22

Quote:
So why move to Seattle in the first place when you didn't have a job waiting

Among other reasons, I lost the job in CA and decided I wanted a change of scenery. And a change in the ratio between salary and cost of living.
Posted by: andy

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 14/10/2005 14:06

Quote:

Not yet. Got any leads?



Remind us again what you are looking for.
Posted by: tfabris

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 14/10/2005 15:24

Quote:
Remind us again what you are looking for.

Resume Here.
Posted by: tanstaafl.

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 14/10/2005 18:57

Resume Here.

Yes... but do you have any computer skills?

tanstaafl.
Posted by: Ezekiel

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 14/10/2005 19:23

"You know, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. "

-N.D.
Posted by: Robotic

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 14/10/2005 23:11

Quote:
"You know, like lightsabre skills, speederbike skills, levitation skills, jedi mind-trick skills... You know, skills! GOSH!"

-A.D.

Posted by: JeffS

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 15/10/2005 00:45

I guess moving to Atlanta is not an option considering you just moved . . .
Posted by: canuckInOR

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 15/10/2005 00:50

Quote:
The Red Green Show (on PBS here in the U.S.) is what I thought of first, as well!

I was thiiiiiis close to replying "If the women don't find you handsome, they'll at least find you handy!"
Posted by: Daria

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 15/10/2005 01:00

Quote:
Resume Here.

Yes... but do you have any computer skills?

tanstaafl.


Well, he's always looking for a Windows answer because Linux is scary, so I'll guess not
Posted by: boxer

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 15/10/2005 05:14

How about starting a separate thread on this one and getting back to the poor young ladies phone prob. I'd like to know the outcome?
Not that I've been above hi-jacking threads myself!
Posted by: jimhogan

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 15/10/2005 20:22

Quote:
How about starting a separate thread on this one and getting back to the poor young ladies phone prob....snip....

Agreed. I keep waiting for somebody to call bullshit on the whole "Amazon HQ as AAA battery" thing, find Tony a job at Amazon HQ, and then we can get back to watching Heather get ready to sue Amazon HQ.
Posted by: tfabris

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 16/10/2005 09:30

Quote:
How about starting a separate thread on this one and getting back to the poor young ladies phone prob. I'd like to know the outcome?

Agreed. Sorry to hijack your thread, Heather. Any word?
Posted by: Heather

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 18/10/2005 13:04

Quote:
Do you have a case number or anything along those lines? You could always ask the cops whether they have any objection to you yelling at Amazon.

Pretty much no matter how you spin it, there's no way that you, personally, are at any risk of being charged with any crimes.


NO, not that simple. There is some risk of being charged, and it goes a bit deeper than what's stated here. I have been told not to call Amazon and raise hell about this.

Quote:
You bought a phone from Amazon that turned out to be bogus. Amazon has your money. The police have your phone. Amazon owes you a phone. Simple as that.



You must have the laziest lawyer in the US. They'll be getting a bill for the defense attorney, and yeah, I feel that's necessary. Only spoke to the cops for about 15 minutes that night, and I wasn't about to let them search my house, let them touch any of the guns in the house without a warrant, or speak to me anymore without a lawyer. On the surface alone, I do stand a chance, albeit probably small, on the phone alone, of being charged with possession of stolen property.

Quote:
As such, I'll wager that Amazon.com did nothing wrong, and that the error resides entirely with your local police force and/or your cel phone service provider. Amazon may then rightly insist that they've done nothing wrong


Too many things match for it to be error, and I've got a name that's pretty hard to come up with by misspelling.

But since you ordered from a national online merchant like Amazon, how can they possibly hassle you about it?

Stolen phone in my possession, no serial number on the receipt, my problem.

Agreed. Sorry to hijack your thread, Heather. Any word?

This is probably going to drag on forever, and I've just had a shitty week to go nicely with the already lousy month I've had. Let's review the past week:

Last monday - laptop commits suicide. Of course, the only important things on it are the things not backed up, like, I dunno, the contents of my cellphone. Good thing I still keep multiple handwritten copies.

Wednesday night - police show up for the first time at my door. Lose phone get pissed. Go to tattoo shop and get test piece of glowing tattoo, and mildly amuse myself by watch friend compete with himself in some bizarre worlds worst jew competition by getting tattooed on yom kippur, then finished the event with some sort of shrimp and bacon snack. But before that, I follow him back to his place to drop off his car. Apparently his car doesn't like to steer or brake after driving through a puddle, and many poor, innocent garbage cans lost their lives that night.

Friday - police show up at business I'm buying a piece of on Monday. I'm not there yet. Fortunately, these are people who have known me for years. They're waiting for the funny in yet another Heather + cops tale. Disappointment at the lack of funny in the situation ensues. Mind you, this looks fabulous in front of customers.

Sunday - crap work by road construction crew leads to ripped open transmission pan and messed up drive axle on one of my cars. Good thing I already had an appointment for Monday anyway.

Monday - get up at 6am and throw on first thing I find on the floor to go drop car off before 7am. Should leave me plenty of time to grab a rental car, drive back to the bronx, shower and get dressed, and go sign some paperwork so I officially own part of the place. WRONG!

It take an hour and a half to get there. All three routes my section of the bronx into queens are FUBAR. Worse than they would be during the worst of it at 8:15. Normally, this is a 15-20 minute drive, 40 with bad traffic. Whatever, not too bad.

Drop off car, photograph damage under car, get tranny fluid dripped all over me. No biggie, I can still make it, only a little late. Enterprise shows up, gives me the keys to the cadillac, and I go. I got a big three blocks when I realize the car is squealing like a pig. Turn around, bring it back.

They give me a Mustang. Only another 5 minutes, no biggie. So pull out with mustang, get to end of block, tire blows. Looked like someone shot out a piece of it from the inside. Behind me, I can see the last car they had rolling out. Now we've got a problem.

Next, I get to take a ride with a very, very smelly guy, in the squealing cadillac, to another enterprise lot. Smelly guy must hate rolled down windows, and keeps rolling mine up. I try my best not to gag, only slipping a few times in the 20 minute ride. Get to next enterprise lot, the only thing they've got is a not a squeaky as the cadillac, beat ass neon, but I'm already quite late so I take it.

Think the day is moving along, then park said shitty neon on the whitestone bridge long enough to celebrate my next birthday there. Finally clear the bridge. At this point I'm already over three hours late, so I go, as is, to go hand over the check (which thank god I decided I really needed to have on my person that morning, although I couldn't understand why), in wrinkled clothes off the floor, complete with cat fur, tranny fluid, and at this point, pizza sauce on them, hair that hasn't exactly been brushed, and oil stains on my hands, to go meet all the lawyers and bank people, because I'm sure this inspired nothing but the utmost confidence in them that they made the right decisions in signing over all that money to my partners 5 months ago.

In hindsight, I'm kinda disappointed in myself for trying to hang onto that last thread of my dignity and didn't just go for comedy and add a beer in a brown paper bag and a cigarette dangling off my lip to complete the look. Finish off paperwork, really quickly, unable to sit in the chair properly because my muscles are all so screwed up from tension. All the bank people and lawyers leave, both my partners just stare at me for a minute or two, with some sort of confused pity look. I get told I look "Like a plate of hot buttered shit" by a man who in 5 years I've never heard say something so outright insulting. It must look worse than I think. Recount week in review. Get told not to feel guilty if I feel like taking the rest of the week off. They up that into strongly suggesting I take a few days off, Joe will get his brother in to fill in for me for a few days. I know better than to decline the offer, especially since I now have to deal with contractors insurance agency, which will probably not go smoothly.

Give up, go home To wait for the "Community Construction Liaison" (NYC gov't term for person not smart enough to work at movie concession stand), and I look in the mirror. Yikes.

I finally take a shower, still don't feel any better. Enterprise shows up with a nice, fully functional infiniti (which I no longer need, but whatever). Call american express, have them book me a trip to vegas, as I really don't think I should stick around. Goes well. Call up attractive gentleman and invite him. He's not sure he could get out of work.

At 5:30, city assweasel still hasn't shown. Leave note on door directing him to dad two doors down should he feel like doing his job. Get in rental car (because I was feeling so lucky I figured I'd take the car that's not going to be my problem to fix), drive to CT, con gentleman's awesome boss into giving him end of the week off. God bless this revolving door industry where everyone seems to know everyone else. He too decides I look like crap and tells me so. Tell the week in review story. Decide it'd be pretty funny if it wasn't me it was happening to. Call amex and change flights to wednesday morning.

So now I'm sitting here again waiting for assweasel. Let him a message to show by 4 or I'll sic my insurance company on the city and the contractor, making his job harder. Let's see how this one works out.

So now I'm fully expecting the police to show up as I'm leaving the house tomorrow morning. Hopefully that doesn't happen. Maybe I'll get extra lucky and skip the usual parade of psychos that can usually be found on flights to vegas.

If you've made it this far, congratulations. Thanks for the vent.

Edited because even with a spell checker, I can't spell. Yay publik skoolz!
Posted by: jimhogan

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 18/10/2005 13:13

Quote:
Get in renal car...

Wow, the ride was that rough, huh?
Posted by: russmeister

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 18/10/2005 13:16

Wow, what a week! I certainly hope you enjoy your time off in Vegas. Relax, have fun, and don't think about work!
Posted by: Heather

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 18/10/2005 13:30

Quote:
Relax, have fun, and don't think about work!


Work isn't the problem. My current job is like a daycamp for 30somethings compared to all the other jobs I've had. It's the damn personal life that's the problem.
Posted by: lastdan

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 18/10/2005 15:57

damn Heather. reading that actually made me feel better about my life. and for that, I owe ya one.

hang in there, don't go postal or anything, no matter how justifiable.
Posted by: tfabris

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 18/10/2005 16:11

Wow, Heather, you need a Purple Heart medal.

Loved the "world's worst jew competition" comment. Mmm, bacon.
Posted by: DWallach

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 18/10/2005 19:51

Several Jewish friends and I used to do what we called our "Korean seder", where we'd go for a nice Korean dinner and try to figure out the symbolic (Passover or otherwise) meaning in all the strange pickled dishes they bring out before your main course.
Posted by: Heather

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 19/10/2005 01:42

damn Heather. reading that actually made me feel better about my life. and for that, I owe ya one.

hang in there, don't go postal or anything, no matter how justifiable.

So long as I don't get stuck on the plane with someone completely touched in the head like the lady seated next to me and said bad jew friend on our last return flight who decided that when we reached cruising altitude was the perfect time to whip out her tits and milk herself, I should be fine. Like a good friend, I just put on my headphones and watched a movie while he quietly sobbed. Hey, if I didn't pay attention to it, the crazy isn't really there.

Wow, Heather, you need a Purple Heart medal.

No, it's just the trade off for all the good stuff in life that I get. I need a certain amount of insanity in my life to be happy. I may well be subconsciously bringing it all on myself. But that doesn't mean I won't go intoscreaming fits about it and wish death or people on the morons who cause it, or the good I could do for society if only I was given a dart gun full of depo provera and a license to use it. Besides, if I had a nice quiet uneventful life, I'd probably kill myself.

Several Jewish friends and I used to do what we called our "Korean seder", where we'd go for a nice Korean dinner and try to figure out the symbolic (Passover or otherwise) meaning in all the strange pickled dishes they bring out before your main course.

Same dude, at the age of thirteen, decided it would be fun to terrorize his little sister's gentile friend who wanted to come to passover out of curiosity by scaring the crap out of her about opening the door for Elijah. I really wish I remembered exactly what he did, but I couldn't stop laughing the whole time about his threats of "Elijah's gonna get ya!" But he's also developed a recent fascination with Catholicism. "Not because I believe it, but the pageantry is impressive."
Posted by: shadow45

Re: Fair Warning - Amazon.com cell phones - 19/10/2005 16:51

the question is, how bad did it hurt..