Funniest comedy bit of all time.

Posted by: tanstaafl.

Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 12/05/2002 20:18

I state categorically that the funniest comedy routine of all time is "Who's on First" by Abbott and Costello.

Anybody want to argue the point?

I have a so-so recording of a pretty good performance of it in my empeg (it was recorded off of a live AM radio broadcast in the 1950's) but would be interested in a better one if anybody could point me in the right direction.

tanstaafl.

Posted by: JBjorgen

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 12/05/2002 21:51

Not gonna argue with you there...

Another great one (if you don't mind the language) is Chris Rock's "Niggers vs. Black People." It's the only one I have on my empeg....

disclaimer for the uninformed - Chris Rock is a black man. He's allowed to say that word. I am not racist, and if your heiny-hole is not too tight you too will find the routine hilarious.
Posted by: tfabris

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 12/05/2002 22:00

For me, the two times in my life that I've laughed the hardest at a pre-recorded piece of comedy were in the movies:

- Black knight steadily losing limbs in "Holy Grail".

- Bernie hitting the buoys while being towed behind the speedboat in "Weekend at Bernies".

For standup/sketch comedy, nothing beat the Robin Williams and Rick Overton improv I saw in person a few years ago. But that wasn't a sketch, so doesn't fall into the same category as the WOF bit.
Posted by: tfabris

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 12/05/2002 22:04

Funny, I just got done watching "A.I.", and was thinking how perfect Chris Rock's cameo was in that film. I was rooting for him to get shot into the rotating blades.

Note: No standup routine about comparing two races, classes, sexes, or species is original if it was done in the last 20 years. Even when Richard Pryor did it, it was old.
Posted by: peter

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 02:48

I state categorically that the funniest comedy routine of all time is "Who's on First" by Abbott and Costello.

Anybody want to argue the point?


Well, I can't start a proper argument as I haven't heard of that sketch. But it'd have to be pretty good to be funnier than Peter Cook and Dudley Moore's one-legged Tarzan audition sketch...

Peter
Posted by: andym

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 03:17

Hope fully I don't get shouted down, but I think one of the funniest things I've heard is by Eddie Izzard on President Kennedy's speech in Berlin. I keep a copy on both my empegs. I've got a transcript if anyone doesn't know what I'm talking about.
Posted by: BartDG

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 04:48

Yeah, Chris Rock erm....rocks!

At one time I've downloaded as many sketches of him as I could find on the net. This guy is great! His 'bigger and blacker' show (black people vs niggers was a part of that show) is really hilarious.
But he's obviously inspired by Eddy Murphy. Murphy's 'delirious' and 'Raw' shows were so cool. His classic "I had sex with her, but I make love to you routine" really is a classic.

That aside, I'm really a sucker for English comedy too. I really like Monty Python (of course - ministry of silly walks anyone?), Dave Allen (does this guy still perform ?), Jasper Carrot and Hale & Pace. (to name but a few)
Posted by: Dignan

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 05:39

You haven't heard of it?? I would think you'd at least hear references to it, it's been referred to all the time

Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know Who's on third....

Who's on first?
Yes.


Hehe, Tony, you're putting down Chris Rock while touting "Weekend at Bernie's"? That's a bold move
Posted by: andy

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 06:26

My favourite Eddie Izzard bit is "Le Singe et dans l'arbre", hillarous. I don't have it recorded anywhere unfortnately.
Posted by: davec

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 06:59

I like Bill Hicks' Arizona Bay

"The L.A. Riots" is a good one...
"It's 412F and raining lead down Sunset Blvd, Susie. It's probably a good time to get out of the city."

But "Hooligans" has got to be the best on that album. Poking fun at the English and their "proper crime."
Posted by: Ralyon

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 07:53

Who's on First definitely has to be the best. I'v got a copy on my empeg as well, 64 bit. Had it for 3 years, don't quite remember where I got it from though. Here is a link to a lot of A&C routines, I just found it so I can't yet verify the quality, but I'll check tomorrow.

First time I remember hearing about it was in the movie Rainman with Tom Cruz and Dustan Hoffman, although I don't believe they actually have the whole skit in there.

For those of you who haven't heard it the full script is here, but it still is much funnier to hear them do it.

Enjoy,
Daniel
Posted by: SE_Sport_Driver

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 08:24

George Carlin's bit on naughty words.... the one that ironically got him in jail.
Posted by: Dignan

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 08:31

true, that one is up there
Posted by: jimhogan

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 09:08

.... the one that ironically got him in jail.

I don't think he went to jail, but it became the basis of a dispute over an FCC license. FYI, interesting 1982 Playboy interview with Carlin reprinted here

Bonus trivia points. My cousin was Carlin's partner before Carlin went solo.
Posted by: SE_Sport_Driver

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 09:21

Another bonus trivia (but not as cool): My college psych. professor (who has been on the Montel show several times) is from Hawaii and is George's neighbor there....
Posted by: thinfourth2

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 10:23

extra bonus triva points my cousin is one of the mitchel brothers on eastenders

(for our non uk empeggers it is a dull soap opera filmed entirley different shades of grey some people reckons each eposide watched removes a week from your life expectancy)
Posted by: jimhogan

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 10:45

extra bonus triva points my cousin is one of the mitchel brothers on eastenders

Dang, a temporal trivia trump! I can summon no greater brush with fame to reclaim my points! But wait! Eastenders has little if any comedy content! So your points are cut by one third!

(You'll perhaps be gratified to know that Eastenders can be caught in the U.S. on some PBS stations. I occasionally watch it when I'm in a particularly foul mood...)

Jim
Posted by: andym

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 10:58

You are kidding aren't you? Which one?
Posted by: svferris

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 11:29

I have a pretty good copy of "Who's on First", if you're interested in checking it out. It's recorded from a record, so there's some slight scratches and pops, but they're barely noticeable. The MP3 is encoded at 64kbps.

It's only 2MB, so if your email account can handle it, I can send it to you. Otherwise, I can probably make it available on my FTP server.

Let me know if you're interested.
Posted by: thinfourth2

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 11:30

the one that is played by steve mcfadgen or how ever you spell his name
Posted by: andym

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 11:35

<impressed>WOW</impressed>
Posted by: tonyc

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 12:08

I'm partial to Larry Miller's 5 levels of drinking personally.
Posted by: SE_Sport_Driver

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 12:09

That is a very good bit! "God's flashlight!" hehe
Posted by: tfabris

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 13/05/2002 12:12

Yeah, I love Larry Miller's material. I'd like to get a chance to see him do standup live sometime. He is hilarious.
Posted by: peter

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 02:39

my cousin is one of the mitchel brothers on eastenders

(for our non uk empeggers it is a dull soap opera filmed entirley different shades of grey some people reckons each eposide watched removes a week from your life expectancy)


With such a supportive family, it's no wonder he got a part as one of the Mitchells...

Peter
Posted by: frog51

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 06:26

Pete 'n' Dud's "Worst Job I Ever 'Ad" sketch is absolutely superb, but Monty Python's "Cheese Shop Sketch" and "Albatross" get my vote
Billy Connolly's "I'll Take My Hand Aff Yer Face" is pretty hilarious as well.
Posted by: altman

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 07:46

Hang on, monty python... the four yorkshiremen sketch ("We used to live in a box in middle of t'road" "Cardboard box?" "Aye" "You were lucky" etc) has got to be pretty much up there....

Hugo
Posted by: frog51

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 08:10

Kids today - they don't know they're born.

Agreed...maybe a large percentage of MP stuff could be bagged up as the best sketch ever.

I still like the "otters noses, get 'em while they're hot" bit from the Life Of Brian.
Posted by: SE_Sport_Driver

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 08:17

Yeah, picking a Monty Python skit would be hard...

Parrot Sketch?
Spam?
Lumberjack?
The "Idiot" Olypics? (forget the name)
Posted by: BartDG

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 08:45

The marathon of the incontinent?
The ministry of silly walks?
The spanish inquisition ?
Posted by: Dignan

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 08:54

The "Idiot" Olypics? (forget the name)

Might you be refering to "Upperclass Twit of the Year"? great sketch

Posted by: thinfourth2

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 08:58

come on how else could you describe eastenders other than grey and dull
Posted by: jimhogan

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 09:23

I still like the "otters noses, get 'em while they're hot" bit from the Life Of Brian.

Not sure what it says about me, but I am a sucker for deadpan and comedy based on .....resignation?

The single moment from LoB that absolutely did me in was:

MANDY: Ohh. Oh, all right, then. You can see him for one minute, but not one second more. Do you understand?
FOLLOWERS: Yes.
MANDY: Promise?
FOLLOWERS: Well, all right.

Not at all funny to read, but a sighing classic. I don't know why it gets me, but it does.

My favorite bits are the hard-to-hear double entendre that Ididn't get until the 2nd or 3rd time. In that regard, my lifetime achievement award (not MP) goes to:

"Rocky Rococo, at your cervix."

Jim
Posted by: andym

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 12:44

I have four words, 'The League of Gentlemen'. Hopefully the UK members of the board know what I'm on about.
Posted by: robricc

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 12:56

That show was on Comedy Central here in the States for a short while. A really short while. I found it utterly moronic.
Posted by: andym

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 13:11

Maybe it's an aquired taste. Personally, I love it (I have both series on DVD). It always managed to get me through the nights I had to do when I was a lowly shift engineer.

Or maybe it's a British thing (flame shields up!)
Posted by: andy

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 13:16

Maybe it's an aquired taste. Personally, I love it (I have both series on DVD).

I can't stand the TV version, but the original Radio 4 version was a scream. Where have we heard that before...
Posted by: robricc

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 13:25

It must be a British thing. There's something about a guy taking a dump in his gas tank in order to power his car that even I find tasteless.
Posted by: andym

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 13:29

Think it was more liquid than solid, but maybe I'm being pedantic (and it probably doesn't make it any funnier to you).

Oh well, maybe I'm the only one here who likes 'The League' .
Posted by: jimhogan

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 13:31

There's something about a guy taking a dump in his gas tank

I say, old chap! Are you saying that you've *never* taken a dump in your gas tank?

James
Posted by: robricc

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 13:36

I say, old chap! Are you saying that you've *never* taken a dump in your gas tank?

Might you be speaking of the petrol repository located next to the boot?
Posted by: Roger

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 14:10

It must be a British thing

Nah. I'm British, and I can't stand it, either.
Posted by: jimhogan

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 14:17

but maybe I'm being pedantic

Why, keep that up and we'll have you deposed right after Cardinal Law!

Jim
Posted by: PineappleSausage

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 14/05/2002 17:15

David Sedaris- Jesus Shaves!!
Posted by: frog51

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 01:13

Nope - there are at least 2 of us - I have 2 series on DVD, some recordings off the radio and I saw them at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe some time ago.

After series 1 I had to introduce my brother to this disturbing show (as he'd seen half of one episode and was baffled.)
He's now an addict.

For those who haven't seen it, it is unnerving (the twins), odd (Tubbs) and very disturbing (my very own Jusstin!), along with moments of strangeness (Creme Brulee) - oh you'll just have to watch it.
Posted by: andym

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 01:49

Thank heavens there's someone else who likes them. I was beginning to feel distinctly lonely!
Posted by: peter

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 02:30

we'll have you deposed right after Cardinal Law!

Now that would make a good TV series.

9:00pm Cardinal Law Sammo Hung starts as a prince of the Church who doesn't always follow the rules, but always gets results...

9.50pm Deposing Private Marriott You are the most pedantic link, goodbye.

Peter
Posted by: frog51

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 02:55

I don't know how I managed to get the time to watch all these things as I thought I was always busy, but yes - I am a British Comedy Addict.

This is not to say I don't like comedy from other countries - Kids In The Hall was great, I think Robin Williams and Eddie Murphy are hilarious and I watch Jackass TV on a regular basis (but that's only 'cos it reminds me of my childhood so much. I wish we had videoed everything we used to do - we could be rich now. Or at least famous.)
Posted by: Dj_Ron

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 05:04

Anything by Carlos Mencia rocks. If I had to pick one though it would be his Emperor Hirihito skit. I lauged my ass off.
Posted by: Dignan

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 05:53

I'm a KITH nut. Has anyone here seen "I'm a Test Tube Baby"? Hilarious short sketch.
Posted by: blitz

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 06:58

The funniest thing I ever saw was a KITH episode... Animal Rights Commandos. I laughed so hard I almost passed out.
Posted by: shadow45

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 08:55

Not the most hilarious moment ever, but for a track record, mystery science theater 3k is at the top of my list. that show made me laugh for years, even with mike.
Posted by: tfabris

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 09:04

Yeah, I'm a longtime MSTie, too. First episode I saw was "Eegah", and I was hooked. Now collecting all the DVDs they're releasing (I'm behind a couple of episodes at the moment).
Posted by: tfabris

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 09:08

And to bring it back around to original topic: The MST guys did a great take-off on the "Who's on First" bit, when Mike tried to explain that he preferred Noh theater to Kabuki theater. I believe the episode was "Invasion of the Neptune Men".
Posted by: jimhogan

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 09:42

Yeah, I'm a longtime MSTie, too.

You make me recall the funniest moment of TV I've every experienced (like ~1991?). I spewed Diet Coke on my friend's TV...

[MST3K Japanese sci-fi movie, Japanese-looking alien climbs down from spaceship in blonde page-boy wig...]

Tom Servo: "Brian Jones???"

OK, you had to be there.

Jim
Posted by: tfabris

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 10:03

I have no idea who Brian Jones is, so I didn't get that one.

That's the cool thing about MST, they deliberately did obscure references. Their reasoning is that even if only 1 percent of the viewers get that particular reference, the ones who do get it will either squirt coke out of their noses because it was so targeted, or at the very least say "oh my god, they're inside my head!". With as many references as they put out in a given episode (hundreds by some counts), they can afford for some of them to be kind of obscure.

For example, there were a couple of references to Rush in the series, and I completely lost it when they did them.

Every episode was like watching a pop-culture encyclopedia. Some found it incomprehensible, but I just ate it up.
Posted by: jimhogan

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 10:36

I have no idea who Brian Jones is, so I didn't get that one.

You'll find a couple of respresentative pics in this online memorial

That's the cool thing about MST, they deliberately did obscure references.

Yup!

Jim
Posted by: Dignan

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 11:41

Or, here, of course.
Posted by: bonzi

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 13:47

Really, is Dave Allen still around? I find most of his stuff (and certainly everything to do with his favourite topic, Church) hillarious.
Posted by: BartDG

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 13:54

I don't know. I's been several years since I've last seen him on TV. Last time I was in the UK I bought several videos of his shows. This is one great comedian!
I would love to see some re-runs of those shows!

Could someone tell us if this guy is still performing or what? (he could be dead by now for all I know)
Posted by: thinfourth2

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 15:42

Okay here we go totally off topic. Digan that we pic you got as a pic on your profile any chance of a big version as it might rock as an image pan.



Okay you can go back to comedy now


I always liked the goodies they were great in their own strange way.
Posted by: Dignan

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 20:23

Here's what looks like the one I used. I edited and resized mine, so it might have been different. The one I used was also this size, so I'm not sure how good it will be.

Anyway, here it is:


I'm assuming most of the people here know what it is
Posted by: jimhogan

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 20:26

I'm assuming most of the people here know what it is

Uh, the MP3 player that flew too close to the sun and its hard drives overheated and crashed?

Jim
Posted by: Dignan

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 20:32

Precisely!
Posted by: time

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 15/05/2002 22:23

It just dawned on me that this might be the perfect opportunity to put a bunch of other heads together on this nagging question....

About 23+ years ago (OK, That rules a bunch of you out...) there was this audio sketch by these guys (and who they were is what I can't remember) who were playing two cow pokes out on the range. One of them was named "Zeke" and it went something like this:
In reply to:

Cowboy 1: "Zeke, DON'T move!"

Zeke: "Why?"

Cowboy 1: "You're sitting smack dab on a diamond back rattler!"

Zeke: "Plumb on em?"

Cowboy 1: "Smack dab, plumb on him."

Zeke: "Oh, heh. Sure enough...don't worry though it's just old Floyd" (rattle sound) "Ya know, when he goes, I'm gonna make me a wallet out of him..."



...and on from there. As I recall it the whole thing was pretty funny, but I just can't remember who it was that did that--or what it was called for that matter.

So if any of you know from whence that came, I would be much obliged pardner!
Posted by: Phoenix42

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 17/05/2002 12:22

Found this in my mail box. Enjoy.
http://www.baseball-almanac.com/humor4.shtml
http://www.baseball-almanac.com/onfirst.ram

One of the most famous baseball comedy acts to occur was the following exchange between Abbott and Costello. The words alone cannot do it justice but it is still quite funny. It was originally done on the radio live but the duo later included it in 'The Naughty Nineties.' The background is Abbott is the Manager of a baseball team and Costello wants to play catcher. Before he can play, the manager wants to make sure he knows everyone's name on the team.
by Abbott and Costello

Abbott: Alright, now whaddya want?
Costello: Now look, I'm the head of the sports department. I gotta know the baseball players' names. Do you know the guys' names?
Abbott: Oh sure.
Costello: So you go ahead and tell me some of their names.
Abbott: Well, I'll introduce you to the boys. You know sometimes nowadays they give ballplayers peculiar names.
Costello: You mean funny names.
Abbott: Nicknames, pet names, like Dizzy Dean -
Costello: His brother Daffy -
Abbott: Daffy Dean -
Costello: And their cousin!
Abbott: Who's that?
Costello: Goofy!
Abbott: Goofy, huh? Now let's see. We have on the bags - we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
Costello: That's what I wanna find out.
Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third -
Costello: You know the fellows' names?
Abbott: Certainly!
Costello: Well then who's on first?
Abbott: Yes!
Costello: I mean the fellow's name!
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The guy on first!
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The first baseman!
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The guy playing first!
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: Now whaddya askin' me for?
Abbott: I'm telling you Who is on first.
Costello: Well, I'm asking YOU who's on first!
Abbott: That's the man's name.
Costello: That's who's name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The first baseman.
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: Have you got a contract with the first baseman?
Abbott: Absolutely.
Costello: Who signs the contract?
Abbott: Well, naturally!
Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
Abbott: Every dollar. Why not? The man's entitled to it.
Costello: Who is?
Abbott: Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Costello: Who's wife?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: All I'm tryin' to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.
Abbott: Oh, no - wait a minute, don't switch 'em around. What is on second base.
Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Abbott: Who is on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: He's on third - now we're not talkin' 'bout him.
Costello: Now, how did I get on third base?
Abbott: You mentioned his name!
Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?
Abbott: No - Who's playing first.
Costello: Never mind first - I wanna know what's the guy's name on third.
Abbott: No - What's on second.
Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: He's on third.
Costello: Aaah! Would you please stay on third base and don't go off it?
Abbott: What was it you wanted?
Costello: Now who's playin' third base?
Abbott: Now why do you insist on putting Who on third base?
Costello: Why? Who am I putting over there?
Abbott: Yes. But we don't want him there.
Costello: What's the guy's name on third base?
Abbott: What belongs on second.
Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE!
Costello: You got an outfield?
Abbott: Oh yes!
Costello: The left fielder's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask you.
Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.
Costello: Alright, then tell me who's playin' left field.
Abbott: Who is playing fir-
Costello: STAY OUTTA THE INFIELD! I wanna know what's the left fielder's name.
Abbott: What's on second.
Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE!
Costello: The left fielder's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: Because!
Abbott: Oh, he's center field.
Costello: Look, you gotta pitcher on this team?
Abbott: Now wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher.
Costello: The pitcher's name.
Abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: You don't wanna tell me today?
Abbott: I'm tellin' you now.
Costello: Then go ahead.
Abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: What time?
Abbott: What time what?
Costello: What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who's pitching?
Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching. Who is on fir-
Costello: I'll break your arm if you say Who's on first. I wanna know what's the pitcher's name.
Abbott: What's on second.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE!
Costello: You got a catcher?
Abbott: Oh, absolutely.
Costello: The catcher's name.
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.
Abbott: Now you've got it.
Costello: All we've got is a couple of days on the team.
Abbott: Well, I can't help that.
Costello: Well, I'm a catcher too.
Abbott: I know that.
Costello: Now suppose that I'm catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and their heavy hitter gets up.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Tomorrow throws the ball. The batter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me being a good catcher, I wanna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Costello: I don't even know what I'm talkin' about!
Abbott: Well, that's all you have to do.
Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Now who's got it?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: If I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta catch it. Now who caught it?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: Who caught it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: NO, NO, NO! You throw the ball to first base and Who gets it?
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's right. There we go.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: You don't!
Costello: I throw it to who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!
Abbott: You're not saying it that way.
Costello: I said I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: You don't - you throw the ball to Who?
Costello: Naturally!
Abbott: Well, say that!
Costello: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING! I throw the ball to who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Ask me.
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: SAME AS YOU!! I throw the ball to first base and who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: Who has it?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: HE BETTER HAVE IT! I throw the ball to first base. Whoever it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What, What throws it to I Don't Know, I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow - triple play.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Another guy gets up - it's a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know. He's on third and I don't give a darn!
Abbott: What was that?
Costello: I said I don't give a darn!
Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.
Posted by: genixia

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 23/10/2003 23:03

My favourite Eddie Izzard bit is "Le Singe et dans l'arbre", hillarous. I don't have it recorded anywhere unfortnately.

Hehe, just watched "Eddie Izzard: Dressed to Kill" on HBO Comedy, which included that sketch...basically a 10 minute encore in French.

The whole set was fantastic, and had me in stitches. I had forgotten just what a talent he has for pulling the audience into his sketches.

HBO Comedy are showing it a few more times over the next month or so - you can easily find it in their schedule.
Posted by: andy

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 24/10/2003 01:56

HBO Comedy are showing it a few more times over the next month or so

I'm in the UK, but at least I know which DVD to buy now...
Posted by: boxer

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 24/10/2003 02:41

Le Singe et dans l'arbre

I have a rather poor quality video of it from a Toronto comedy festival which was broadcast many years ago, early in his career, but you're welcome to a copy.

For my money though, the Marx Brothers broken mirror routine from "Duck Soup", often copied, never bettered.
Posted by: andy

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 24/10/2003 02:48

I have a rather poor quality video of it from a Toronto comedy festival which was broadcast many years ago, early in his career, but you're welcome to a copy.

Ah yes, that is the performance I saw it on.
Posted by: Caps

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 26/10/2003 16:34

The black knight and the entire movie "Search for the Holy Grail" is great.

But, have you guys seen the bit on Conan O'Brien when Trimph the insult comic dog went to the line people were in to get Star Wars tickets? You can get it on Kazaa Lite, search for Triumph and Star Wars. Each time I see that I laugh for the entire 10 minutes. It is comedy gold. The only problem is I would be one of the people he would be making fun of...
Posted by: PaulWay

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 26/10/2003 18:20

For British Comedy, though, this thread lacks one key name that deserves to be mentioned.

Spike Milligan.

I've got almost every Goon Show available, and these still rank as some of the cleverest, most bizarre and ingenious bits of comedy ever. Things like how to climb a tower by parachute (put off the parachute, count to ten backward then push the string), the new Hot Dog missile (a preheated salami fitted with a warhead), driving a wall at speed, tying a man's hands and then cutting the knot off so he can't untie it, and even piloting the first Albert Memorial to the Moon. Descriptions like "little thrice-adolescent hybrid", "his skin was burnt a fiery red by the hot Algerian Brandy", "he was the nearest thing I'd seen to a human being without actually being one" and "champion barbed-wire hurdler until his tragic accident" (ooooh!). They knew how much to ad-lib, how to keep the audience laughing and could deliver comedy and drama at such an amazing pace it's sometimes hard to keep up even for experienced Goonologists.

My favourite, my ultimate laugh from the Goon Show is in "Foiled by President Fred" - a show about a British gas meter inspector who goes to South America to bill them for the gas they've used. The show revolves around President Fred fleeing the country with all his money. He's had Eccles pack it in a blue sack - or is it a red sack? But Eccles is colourblind, and quite thick. Everyone's looking the sacks, everyone settles things amicably (by shooting the other person), and finally Eccles and Bluebottle end up with both sacks, having by slow wits and mumbling achieved what everyone else with quick thought and action has failed to get. Then Bluebottle establishes that the red sack contains the forged banknotes then suggests that they split it 50/50 - Eccles takes the nice red sack, and Blubottle gets the rotten stinking old blue one:

Eccles: Fine, fine.
Bluebottle: Eheee! And you're quite sure the blue sack contains the real money, Eccles?
Eccles: Oh, yer!
Bluebottle: Well, goodbye, Eccles!
(FX) Door opens and shuts.
Eccles: (slowly) Goodbye, redbottle...

And the audience is swept away in a tidal wave of laughter as they realise that Eccles wasn't colourblind at all, nor as daft as he appeared.... Whatever the reason, it's pure genius.

So forget all that modern swearing stuff, and get down to some real idiocy!

Paul
Posted by: peter

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 27/10/2003 02:46

At the risk of starting a Goon Show thread, I agree with that whole post except that my favourite one is Napoleon's Piano, and my favourite moment in that is when the usual suspects, including Seagoon and Eccles, have been dispatched to the Louvre to steal Napoleon's piano -- then they find it's too big to get it out of the door.

Seagoon: I know! Let's saw the legs off!
F/X: <saw><saw>thud <saw><saw>thud <saw><saw>thud <saw><saw>thud
Seagoon: That's funny -- first piano I've seen with four legs.
Eccles: Hey, I keep falling over...

Part of Milligan's genius was coming up with stuff that you can only do on radio...

Peter
Posted by: boxer

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 27/10/2003 03:09

Mind you, the last of the Goons is having a bit of a bad week or two, that Prince of Wales.

You've reminded me of sitting by the fire with an old wood bodied radio, the size of a server cabinet, and my father red in the face with tears in his eyes, laughing: Was it the light programme or the home service? I must dig out my one LP: A take off of Quatermass and the pit, I can't remember the B side.
Again, without wishing to start a Goons thread, would there be a Monty Python without them, and so much humour that followed.
Posted by: tfabris

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 27/10/2003 11:44

The only problem is I would be one of the people he would be making fun of...
You think that's bad. I've got friends... close friends... who with any luck will be featured in Trekkies 2...

You might even see me somewhere in the film (in the background)...
Posted by: boxer

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 29/10/2003 04:35

Le Singe et dans l'arbre

I finally released "Dress to Kill" from a long term stay on the floor of my daughter's bedroom! If you're thinking that the encore is going to be anything like the Montreal sketch. You'll be disappointed, it's an excruciatingly funny piece about our relations with the French, but the monkey bit is only a small part of it.
Posted by: frog51

Re: Funniest comedy bit of all time. - 29/10/2003 05:55

Can't wait to see him live again - Eddie is up in Glasgow on his "Sexie" tour in December and my tickets are through.

Yay!

I'm just going to hurt so much afterwards - my jaws and stomache usually ache when I watch any of his videos.