No. It doesn't. A ballot paper should have a column of names on the left, and a column of big boxes on the right. The problem with that one is the fact that the names alternate left and right, and that the "boxes" aren't big, and that they're not boxes.

Your second one could be solved by having a separate piece of paper for each post. It worked fine for us in London earlier this year.

Admittedly, we're still counting ours by hand, but "putting a big X in a big box" would work fine with OMR.