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it seems to me that the discussion of gay marriage often gets a bit abstract or theoretical (or theological?), and I want to remind you that beyond the abstract of "defending marriage", the place this issue hits home is in my home, and perhaps the homes of friends or family members of your own.
I completely understand this, and I must admit to speaking about this subject in a very cold and philosophical manner rather than a personal one. It is very easy to forget that there are people at the core of these issues.

Having said that, this IS a personal issue for me, and “defending marriage” is not simply some sterile code to which I adhere. The concept I have of marriage is one of the most important things I believe, and unfortunately your definition and mine are mutually exclusive. We can talk more about “legal definitions” and such, but the comment you reacted to was not one about my political beliefs but about my philosophical/theological beliefs.

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Could you tell your gay brother that his happiness in a long-term relationship is not worthy of the same recognition as your own?
I honestly don’t have family members who are homosexuals, but I do have family members who have done other things that I consider to be sinful. An example is my sister who was living with her boyfriend. I consider this as much a sin as homosexual behavior. She knew that, recognized that we had different stands on the issue, and we moved on. She and her boyfriend were always welcome in our home and I never treated them differently because of my beliefs. When she became pregnant, I was one of the people she turned to for support when many in my family made life very difficult for her. We have a mature enough relationship that we can disagree with each other's choices on moral grounds and still be great friends.

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Can you look into someone's eyes and tell them their relationship is not worthy of recognition and respect under the law?
Personally, I don’t think the law should recognize relationships at all. Unfortunately it does, so to that end I believe you should have the same rights as I do. What I don’t want, however, is for the State to enforce your view about what the covenant of marriage is upon me. That is why I think Civil Unions are the best option we have, even if it is an imperfect solution. This is, btw, a big difference between myself and many conservatives, and probably makes me enemies on all sides.

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Assuming that we can't be eliminated from the planet
Just to state this emphatically, I would never want anyone to be eliminated from the planet. If homosexuality behavior were to be eliminated, it would have to be by people changing. But moving on, assuming that doesn’t happen . . .
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what standard of behavior would you like gay men and lesbians to aspire to? Is it in society's best interest for us to be coupled, or not? Should we encourage fidelity, and stability in these relationships? If not, what's the alternative?
I think it is in societies best interest for stable, healthy relationships even if not in what I think of as “marriage”. That extends not just to homosexual marriages, but to those living together pre-marriage and other relationships. To put it on a more personal note, my hope for you would be that you would ultimately seek to trust Christ and seek to follow God, which would ultimately mean seeking to change your behavior. However, barring that, I can hope you find fulfillment and stability in your relationship.

On an aside, as I don’t speak with homosexuals often, what is the most appropriate term: “gay” or “homosexual”, or are both acceptable? I know certain words often carry negative connotations, but I have no idea what the use of either of these terms communicates to you.
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-Jeff
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them.